We had been challenged for years with my daughter hitting, kicking, screaming, just acting out and we didn't know what to do. We had no idea how to stop it, how to change it.

Finally, when she was almost 5, when timeout stopped working, taking toys away stopped working, and all the other things that we took away, and tried, stopped working, we came down to the conversation aspect of it. Sitting down and saying, “This is what your actions are doing to other people and how you are affecting others with your behavior.”

The first time that we had this conversation not much changed for the next incident or the incident after that or even the next 10 or 20.

Slowly she began to develop as we kept on having that conversation, “Your actions are affecting other people negatively. How can you get to a better place where you don't act that way when you're angry or upset or frustrated?” and this is what happened. 

One day recently, her brother took one of her special toys and she was so upset she looked at him. She closed her fists, got a little grrr face and then...she got up and walked out.  

She went into a different room, closed the door and did whatever she needed to do to let out anger, frustration, rage and then came back out.

My Story

Me, having watched the entirety of the situation, was so proud of her as a dad. 

I was so happy that it finally worked. 

Her frustration was overcome by her mentally thinking through the process in action or the process of her actions and what that would do to someone else. 

Her frustration taken out on someone else affects them negatively and it impacts her. When she was done compartmentalizing the situation and overcoming that frustration and came out of the other room, I just told her I was so proud of her for not hitting her brother for not getting to the point where she couldn't control herself.