Do kids need choices?
It depends on the kid. Some kids are more mature than others and want to take responsibility for their own lives, while other kids feel like they should be guided by their parents until they're in college. How do we train our children to use their opportunity for choice responsibly? Do too many choices lead to bad decisions or is that just an excuse not to make any decision at all?
There's a common misconception that the more choices you give children, the better. It goes without saying that they're not going to make good decisions all of the time and when they do it will be based on their values rather than ours (which is okay). But how much choice should we offer?
Some parents feel like kids need as many choices as possible in order for them to learn responsibility and become prepared for adulthood because otherwise life will seem too hard or out-of-control. Others believe that children are capable of making some decisions but keep them limited so that there aren't any terrible consequences. The question isn’t whether our children have enough opportunity for choice; it’s about how specifically we train our kids to use the choice to get an outcome.
Are there bad choices?
We are not discussing literal bad choices, we are discussing the choices parents give. Obviously, all people make bad decisions and we have to deal with those consequences.
It is all too easy to give children too few choices. For example, go to your room or take out the trash. An opposite choice with a consequence isn't really an incentive. However, if they are given the option to take our the trash or sweep the floor, both are going to provide value and there isn't a consequence. We can teach children to provide value to others by giving them choices that are, not only going to be beneficial to their community (in this case their house) but to their development.
The question we should ask ourselves when discussing whether kids need choices isn’t “Should our children have enough opportunity for choice?” Rather, it concerns how specifically we train our kids to use those choices in order achieve an outcome. Too often parents offer few options with unpleasant consequences.
Consider good consequences for children following through with great choices
The first possibility is that kids don't need as many choices. They can be content with decisions made by their parents and they'll still learn responsibility, but this will happen more slowly because of the lack of opportunity for choice. These children are often happy to have any decision made for them in order to avoid mistakes or bad consequences.
On the other hand, too few options may restrain a child from learning how to use his/her opportunities wisely and becoming prepared for adulthood (i.e., knowing how to say no). This could create resentment towards our parenting methods and cause problems when we're not there or available anymore- it's better if these skills come naturally rather than being forced on someone.
But how do we get kids to come across skills naturally
What if we give kids too many choices?
This can be a problem when the child is overwhelmed with too much information or options to choose from. There are some instances when too many choices and they won't make any decision at all, which will result in no consequences (i.e., procrastination). This could create anxiety about making decisions because of an inability to know what's best for them- it'll take away their own opportunity for choice while not teaching them how to use that option wisely. The consequence would be stagnation rather than growth as kids are being forced into a certain way of thinking without really understanding why. Plus, this lack of accountability may cause apathy towards our parenting methods as well as resentment due to feeling like they're being pushed in a certain direction.
The key is to make sure the child has ample opportunity for choice, but also that they are taught how to use it wisely and with accountability. It's important as parents that we can provide enough guidance so that kids don't feel like their options have been taken away from them- instead of letting them learn how to balance responsibility and trust on their own terms.
Do kids need choices?
Some kids do, while others might not. Achieving this balance between giving our children opportunities for choice and teaching them how to take those decisions responsibly is what makes parenting such an interesting job - you know your kid better than anyone else does! There are some instances when too many choices overwhelm a child. For instance, if children are given the opportunity for an hour on the phone or do their homework, we know what they will chose. We want our children to be prepared for how much freedom is out there, but also that they are trained on how to use their opportunity for choice wisely and responsibly. It's important as parents that we can provide enough guidance so that kids don't feel like their options have been taken away- instead of letting them learn how to balance responsibility and trust on their own terms.
What makes parenting such a tough gig?
The balancing act between giving your child opportunities for choice while teaching them how take those decisions responsibly!
How do we train our children to use their opportunity for choice wisely and responsibly without taking it away? Do too many choices take away from the responsibility they are given by parents or is this just how life should be expected to work with such freedom available through technology, social media, etc.? These questions can be discussed in more depth when considering whether or not parenting is easy!
How much choice does your kid have at home and outside of school/work time? What guidelines guide him/her in making these decisions independently or together as a family unit? It's important for us (parents) that we know what limits exist so that there isn't confusion with our families.
Parents have made their choice already
Kids need more choice than adults! As adults, we have trained ourselves to develop routines and habits throughout our day. To illustrate this, what time do you eat during the day? Do you have a meal plan? How often do you eat sweets like candy and dessert? What night do you spend with your family?
We develop routines. Kids just following along. Eventually, they will have their owner but while they are growing they are just third, fourth, fifth, and so on, wheels. Allow them to make some decisions early.
It's important to remember that an article like this one with children as its focus to consider their ages and what kind of choices should be given to kids. For example, older parents might want some tips about teaching responsibility through social media while younger parents could use help managing screen time at home.