The Story
Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas from Pexels
Just because she is growing up, that doesn't mean the relationship has to end, it just has to adapt.
The growth of a human being is phenomenal. There is so much we can learn about how bodies grow and develop. How our child turns from a toddler to adolescent and then teenager is equally fascinating. These young people are learning so much in a short amount of time, it really is baffling to realize that they can fit all that knowledge in their cute little heads.
This article is going to focus on daughters and the effort that a dad needs to put into staying connected with their "baby girl."
The Problem
When was the last time your daughter gave you a hug like she did when she was three?
The hardest part about daughters growing up is that they have to.
The Solution
We have generated 13 ideas to help fathers and dads have a closer relationship with their daughters.
As we move through the information below, take some notes and analyze what you can do to better your relationship.
1. Let Her Talk
The first thing to mention is that females, in general, communicate differently than males. If you are a man and married to a woman, you know that your wife can talk on the phone for hours to people you hardly know.
A young daughter isn't any different, they can also talk for hours. Who would you have them talk to? We have put together some conversation tips to talk to your daughter here.
2. Tell Her She’s Beautiful
Your daughter is beautiful, tell her in a respectful way. I would urge you to get away from phrases like, "you have grown into a beautiful..." or "You get more and more beautiful every day." A woman is always beautiful. Make the statement.
3. Tell Her She’s Smart
More so important is the power in giving your daughter confidence that she is smart, capable, clever, witty, talented, a good communicator, a problem solver, a good listener and any other compliment you can give to uplift her inner-character traits.
She is going to be seen by the world and they will judge her looks, as cruel as that sounds, but if she is stronger on the inside than the assailants on the outside, she will conquer.
4. Tell Her You Love Her
This is very important. You love your daughter, remember back to the day you first saw her, remember the love that you felt and how it was different than any other kind of love that you felt to that point. Don't forget the precious moment that was.
Your daughter is yours and you are to care for her physically and emotionally.
Fathers can show a great amount of care in their relationships with their daughters by stepping up to the plate on the "Love" word.
Wounds can heal if you make an effort to mend them.
5. Show That You Love Her
Think of something that she loves that would help her in her life. It can be simple or grand. A conversation or a hug. A road trip with just the two of you or a night out to dinner with no one else.
Whatever your situation is, and how you manage to find time to spend with your daughter, make it about her.
6. Spend Time Doing Things She Wants To Do
There are two daughters in my life. One wants to have me play dress up. The other wants to do science experiments and create things. I am down for whatever. Take some time to get to know their interests and make it about them.
7. You Are On Her Side
Boys break hearts, dads (and spouses) get to fix them. There are going to be days when the situation doesn't make sense, the scenario seems a little one sided, or the anger is geared at the wrong person. Just listen and reassure her that "we" can work through this. This shows your daughter that you, as a father, care for her.
Tell her it is going to be alright. Offer some suggestions but let her make the final decision on the best resolution.
8. The Example of The Love Relationship You Have Is The One She Is Going to Have
If you are divorced, I am sorry you are going through this. It is terrible to have kids stuck in the middle of the complete situation that isn't their fault. Hopefully the courts work in your favor to allow the relationships to continue with your kids.
Statistically, your daughter may end up divorced as well. One website shows, "Children of divorce are 35% more likely to have a divorce of their own."
If you are still married, strive to model your relationship with your spouse in the way that you want your daughter to have one.
She sees everything and hears everything. She is learning and developing an internal checklist of what the love relationship looks like.
9. Teach Her Big Words
This goes along with telling her she is smart. If you tell her she is smart she will want to be smart.
One way that I have found to do that is to talk to all of my kids using big words. They are all under age 8 but they understand the difference between antonym and antiseptic.
This isn't meant to confuse them, just talk to them how you would talk to another adult about a topic.
Keep the locker room topics out of it.
10. Stereotypes Are Wrong
When I was in college one of my professors put in perspective the statement, "you hit like a girl." He explained not all women hit the same way and not all men hit the same way. We are all at a different skill level in athletics and coordination.
My professor also went on to discuss that statement, "We don't hit girls." In his lesson, he explained that this leaves open questions. One of them was, "Does this mean it is okay to hit boys?" This struck me. We put certain people on pedestals and neglect others. I contend that we can all be a little kinder and engaging with all people.
The stereotype that women are not as strong as men is completely false. Define strong.
A study done by Proceedings of the Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) found that women have "out-stronged" men for hundreds of years by survival.
Sure women, generally, couldn't outdo most men in a pushup competition or a foot race but that doesn't mean they are weak or should be subdued in some fashion.
Neither should your daughter. Encourage her to be strong and powerful in her abilities. Through your fatherly, caring example, she can strengthen her relationship with you.
11. Some Topics Are Better For A Mom
As a young woman gets into her teen years, there is a natural change called puberty. I am not a doctor and don't know anything about it. My only experience is that this is a good time to bone up for some new clothes before school starts.
If you want to know how to help your daughter get through her first period, here is one resource that I found. Best leave this one to a mother, Mother Google.
Finally in this section, note that you are not going to have all of the answers and there is a good chance that someone else has the information you need. Use your resources. If you are married to a women, that is a good place to start.
12. Surprise Her
Get your daughter a treat, take her somewhere special on a whim. Write your daughter a simple note telling her you love her.
Gifts do not have to be extravagant but they do have to be meaningful.
13. Let Her Fail and Get Back Up
I have taught all of my kids to be "poppers". We have defined this as popping up when you get knocked over, fail at something, and, most importantly, when you get hurt.
Sitting in your tears, while sometimes necessary, doesn't do much good after the first few seconds. Teach your daughter to accept the challenge and move on to the next one.
Pop up and put that failure in the past. The faster she learns a sad lesson, the quicker she will move on to the next one.
It is really easy to scoop up a young daughter and try to kiss the tears away and sometimes this is needed. But don't let this act of comfort become a crutch.
Most situations need to have a firm but compassionate discussion on why that failure happened and how to avoid it in the future.
This powerful tool has helped me develop my own relationship with my daughters to be one of more caring. I have set an expectation to overcome challenges. This will help them in the relationships that they build beyond our four walls.
Final Comments
We will wrap this up with communication and listening.
Make an excuse to be around your daughter and give a listening ear.
It is very important that her relationship with you, as a dad and father, is genuine, built on trust and respect, and rooted in love.
As you care for your daughter(s), keep in mind that you are their example of what a man is. Take the time to be the best example of that possible.
Betteringdads.com dove a little deeper into communication strategies for parents here. See the post to find out what they are.