Effective Communication With a Child

Effective communication with a child can be hard to do. Everyday conversations can take unexpected turns and parents could be asked uncomfortable questions. The most important thing to remember is to be honest and communicate in a way they can understand.

Age-Appropriate Communication Strategies

Depending on you children's ages, they need to be communicated to in ways that they can relate and comprehend.

Age 0-2

Use a normal talking tone. This is actually hard. Those cute little balls of pudge and love, we just want to squeeze them, yes we do!!
Use simple words and pronounce them clearly
It is okay to dote
Get close to their face and talk to them while looking at them

Age 3-5

School is going to teach them new words, good and bad
Prepare them to understand new concepts
Don't get up set when they mispronounce something
Really try to understand what they are saying
Let them finish their sentences
Look at them when they are talking to you

Age 6-12

School is going to teach them new words, good and bad
Discuss new concepts they are learning at school and provide your take on those ideas
Ask them what they think about new concepts and try to encourage them to explain their beliefs
Remember that they are constantly learning new concepts and they need help communicating what they are learning
Let them finish their sentences
Look at them when they are talking to you

Age 13-17

Cool it on the sarcasm, dad
They are going to know everything and have the best ideas, correct them gently
They are going to be learning from friends and their environment more than you
A lot of teens do not know how to express their feelings or defend their beliefs. This means they get defensive if they are being challenged. Expect to see anger
Let them finish their sentences
Look at them when they are talking to you
Offer ideas without saying, "You Should..." Instead use, "I recommend..."

The Extremes

Death and sex are a sensitive topic. This might be hard for most parents to talk to their kids about. Here are some simple tips to remember:

Explain What The Parts Are by Age 5

Girls have a vagina

Boys have a penis

There may be some additional questions. Do not explain the process of sex at this age but reassure that both parts are unique and have different functions. Be honest about the parts.

Explain How The Parts Work by Age 7-10

Boys have a penis

Girls have a vagina

Explain what sex is in a way that they will understand. Most kids learn about sex from their peers with half truths and misconceptions. This is a topic that parents should be teaching their children. Do not wait until the school system has the sex education day in fourth grade.

Explain The Consequences of Sex

Girls have a vagina

Boys have a penis

Kids need to know the truth about their bodies and the abilities that they have. Having an open conversation in a safe place allows kids to be curious and get accurate information. Do not sugar coat sex. Kids ask because they have either heard about it from someone else or have experienced something that is triggering the conversation. The most accurate information on the topic is going to be the best approach.

Their Bodies Are Private

Boys have a penis

Girls have a vagina

Kids need to learn early (we discussed this around age two and have reinforced it over the years) that other people should not be touching their body parts. Be honest and let your kids know that if someone asks to see them or touch them in a private area that they can talk to their parents. Reassure them that they will not get in trouble. Train your kids to say no. Be the safe place for them if something does happen.

Death Comes At Any Age

Prep them for the open casket
Explain the "Circle of Life"

Death is part of life, even if unexpected
It is okay to cry for a loved ones death

Death and Where We Go

There are a lot of thoughts on "What happens after we die?" from nothing to purgatory to reincarnated. Whatever your religion is, explain it the best that you can.

If help is needed, I believe that our spirits will live on after this life. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe in Jesus Christ and that we will return to live with God. You can learn more about our belief of life after death here.

Small Kid, Small Dose

Children need to be given information in doses that they are able to handle. Too much information can lead to misconceptions and speculation. Keep it simple and understandable for their level.

Here are some strategies to do that:

Be honest but make it as simple as possible
If they are getting confused, take a step back in the explanation
Don't get up set if they are not getting it

Have Children Ask Complete Questions

Train children to ask complete questions.

When a child asks, "Why?" ask them to rephrase it in a complete question.

This will allow them to enhance their ability to conjugate thoughts and elaborate on conversations.

Quote from the author, "I have to do this regularly with my younger children but my oldest daughter has it dialed in. She asks questions and has no hesitation in following up to learn more. The skill of asking a question is useful in all of our lives. Practice asking the questions instead of saying what you want and expecting people to do something for you. Start with, 'Will you…', 'Do you…', 'Have you...'"

Write Down Some of Their Responses

Continue discussions later with kids. Try to remember what they have talked about or write it down. Follow up with them to see how they improved. Maybe they could use a parent to help them in a unique situation. Don't be shy, be engaging with children of all ages. They will appreciate the outreach even if they do not open up on the first go at the conversation.

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