Start With Research
My wife researched all of these topics. Pick one that best suits you. One that we had to research and that a lot of women have experienced is the need to find a facility to do a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). Most hospitals will not do this. My wife found a midwife with a lot of experience that she trusted that could guide her through the process for our last two kids.
Prepare for the Freak Out
Now, that was a long intro. If you are going to be a dad, you are going to see things that will put perspective into everything you have known to this point. Watching a baby come out of the birth canal is a strange happening. You don’t really get a good view from the side of the bed but you get enough of a glimpse to recognize the miracle that it is.
A Lot Of Options
There are so many ways to go through the process of having a baby. Some couples have chosen to use a doula, others have found a birthing class to help the process. Some use a midwife while others opt for a doctor. There are also birthing centers that women can give birth in. They can even do a water birth. One of the strangest techniques in my opinion is hypnobirthing. I am not even sure how it all works but my wife tried it and it was freaky to see her go to hypno land.
Birthing Class
This is a must for any first time parent. There are hundreds of options and some are better than others, this mostly comes down to the instructor.
The information is all the same, "there is a baby inside and it has to come out. It is going to look like this and here are some tips to have less pain and do this as comfortably as possible."
Do your research in your area to find a great class that will help your team get this baby out.
Participating In The Class
It is going to be funny to practice with a lot of people around. You might even feel a little silly. However, practice and take it all in.
When it is game time, you will need all of the skills you can get to help your partner through the process. I remember my wife saying, “help me,” when we were having our second kid.
All I could remember in that moment was knee presses. A few hours later and some more remembered techniques, the baby came out. Boom, precious boy!
Broke and In Labor
The water breaks, now what. Hopefully, your team has made a plan. Who is gong to watch the other kids? Have a bag packed for the hospital (pack some things for the guy to eat, you don't get the food). Leave the electronics at home, keep your phone in your pocket until baby is down for a photo op.
I made the mistake of not participating when my wife and I went to the hospital for our second kid. I was browsing the internet and she was dealing with contractions. She had finally had enough of me just sitting there and "told" me to put the phone away and help.
Practice the techniques and positions learned in the birthing class, you will be a hero in the delivery room. Your presence and participation are mandatory.
I didn’t really do much except suggest we try a different technique to help the pain feel better.
I cannot imagine what that is like but seeing someone else in pain and being there to try to help them through it is a huge bonding experience.
Cesarean Birth
Some women go through this, actually a lot do. According to the CDC, nearly 32% of births are cesarean.
So chances are if you have three kids, one will be by cesarean.
Compound that terrorizing experience with an emergency c-section and the anxiety and fear of the outcome is so confusing, scary, and hellish. Prepare for the worst outcome and hope for the best.
If you are interested in seeing how this procedure is performed, there are a ton of videos on YouTube that will freak you out and help you be prepared for the possibility.
Emphasize The Topic of Support
As the guy in the relationship, you have to be there to support your partner. It would be terrifying to have to give birth with no one. Oh, the screams and no hand to squeeze. Terrifying!! Imagine a monster trying to escape from your body from a hole the size of your mouth...All the memories of it are coming back to me.
This Is Love
I will be honest, up to the point of birth of your first child, it isn’t really real. You will not really have a connection with a child in your partner's womb. It is just this little amoeba attached to your partner.
Once it comes out, however, this is when it gets real. Seeing it emerge from the birth canal, smelling it and holding it. It is amazing. If you love your partner, even if you don’t, you will experience a new kind of love. A love that feels more of a responsibility and opportunity than a relationship and commitment.
Moments To Cherish
Cherish these first moments. I did this by writing a letter to my oldest daughter and expressing what I was feeling and what she meant to me. Aside from the letter, I also wrote a poem which I have posted here.