Lesson 2 - Be interested not interesting

how we need to communicate with others

We previously discussed the natural process that most people have when they talk with others. Usually a self-centered conversation. Now we are going to discuss the need and importance of keeping listening a top priority in our daily conversations. It is also important to have an opinion, but keep in mind that some people take their opinion as fact. We will discuss how to deal with those people as well. 

Conversations are Two Ways

Have you ever been in a situation where you are being talked at? Where the conversation is more of a lecture? These types of conversations can be frustrating and not having a chance to talk during a conversation leaves a lot of people feeling like they missed out on part of the conversation. 

Conversations are a two way path to communication. If you are in a situation where you are unable to get involved, don’t get discouraged. One of the fastest ways to show the other person interest is fading is to pick up your phone and pay attention to it. If you don’t want to be rude, just say, “Excuse me,” in a polite tone and walk away. 

There are always those people that you can’t walk away from. Important people in your life, like parents or grandparents. How do you get out of those conversations? A lot of times you won’t and really you shouldn’t try to unless there is some type of abuse. In that situation, it is important to be respectful and make the most of it. Try to edge in and get a deeper story. Often parents sugarcoat stories to protect their kids from things. Even kids sugarcoat stories to protect their parents from knowing things about themselves. 

Keeping conversations two ways allows both parties to contribute and feel involved. Who knows, you may even learn something new!

Your opinion is yours

There are a lot of people that have convictions about a variety of topics. Usually, this is a good thing. The problem with this in some cases is that opinions are treated as fact. From presidents to educators to parents and best friends, sometimes we find ourselves being told things that are more of an opinion than the real story. 

You opinion

Anyone can have an opinion and they have a lot of different platforms to let people know their opinions. Having done a lot of research on a lot of different topics, there are a lot of opinions and some are on some really dumb topics (like, which is the best spread for toast?). 

One of the most interesting right now is the opinion that right now is the best time to buy real estate. It sure doesn’t feel like it but I have heard it from so many people. The market is only going up! With all of the shortages on material, we are seeing an inflation that will only continue. 

I have also heard the opposite. The prices are overinflated and, while the interest rates are low, the market is going to bust soon. Once manufacturing catches back up, there will be too much material and prices will plummet. 

Who is right? I have no idea. I can just sit back and wish I had bought a house in the right neighborhood 10 years ago.

We get caught up in the media and on social platforms on what other peoples of a situation is, often failing to find the root of the situation and the complete facts. I guess that is why fact checkers have a job right now, there is so much misinformation that we have to have a third party make sure we are being honest with each other. 

The sad part of that is that usually by the time the fact checkers put together their reports, the buzz is over and no one cares who was right or who was wrong. And that is one thing that is wrong with our society today, people don’t stick around to find the truth, they get their opinion based diet and leave. 

My opinion

Think of yourself and what you focus on when you have a conversation with someone. Usually, people communicate to move something along. A business deal, share a funny story, share a lesson learned or life lesson, offer some advice to get someone through something hard. Your opinion and my opinion are different but in a lot of cases, a conversation is coming from two points of view. Those points of view come from upbringing and experience and no two peoples experiences growing are the same. Even two people raised in the same house can have a completely different recollection of what life was like as a growing child. 

I have the privilege of sharing my opinion on this topic via this blog because I am paying to keep it active and open to the public. I have comments disabled, honestly because there are not enough people reading this to engage and any comments that people have can be left on my Facebook page to keep the conversation going there.

Let others talk

There is a give and take in a conversation, one person makes a point and there should be a chance for rebuttal and then a counter rebuttal and so on until the scenario/story/situation has played out. If others feel like they need to get aggravated or show dominance in a conversation, let it be. Conversations shouldn’t escalate to anger and if someone wants to take it here, end it with them feeling like they won, for now. 

All of the angry conversations I have been in have made me feel terrible. All of the conversations that I have been in that ended with someone being dominant, I don’t feel benefited me at all. No one wants to be put down or forced to have one person represent their complete opinion. If you are in a situation where you are not given a chance to express your opinion, express it later to someone else and give them a chance to respond. 

Don’t let others talk over you

If anger is not part of the conversation, speak up. Let others know your opinion. There are a lot of people that will naturally dominate a conversation. Don’t let that bother you. Speak up. For a long time I was a fence sitter. I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers or offend anyone with my opinion. I now realize that not giving my opinion was giving my opinion. Let me explain, when there is a side to take, a side to stick up for, and no side is taken, the choice one has made is to not make a choice. In other words, be ignorant to the situation. 

This is unfortunate to me. Because someone is afraid they are going to hurt someone, they don’t express how they feel or they overlook a difficult or meaningless topic. We would benefit more as a society if we were a little more blunt with people, in a nice way, and communicated directly with one another. 

Final Thoughts and Conclusion

Conversations are two-way, and while it’s great to listen more than you speak, there is a time when it’s necessary to be heard. Remember this rule of thumb for how we should communicate with others: your opinion is yours; my opinion is mine. Let other people talk about their ideas, but don't let them talk over you or interrupt what you're trying to say. Speak up! Your voice deserves an audience too!