Why Not Let Time Pass By
There is a point in your life when you realize that time has slipped by too fast...you let time pass by. Opportunities missed and they will never return. Moments that used to be special and precious will never happen again because we do not realize that time passes to quickly.
In this case, I am writing about my son. Almost every night for nearly the last four years, I have put him to bed and tucked him in, even snuggled with him and fell asleep in his bed. For those four years he has struggled to fall asleep by himself, some type of fear was around him being alone in a room.
Now that he is 5 and a half - and we don't live in LA any more - he is coping with that better. Over the last year as I have travelled for work and, we have tried to let his mom put him to bed and allow him to fall asleep in his bed while I sit in the chair in his room rather than be next to him. It worked...
Time Will Pass You By
Tonight, while he sat with me in the chair, he bobbed his head back and forth as we gently rocked, only listening to the river from the sound machine. He calmly said after a few minutes, "Dad, will you put me in my bed?" I obliged and lay him in his bed as I had done so many times before in the present past.
As I laid him down and pulled his blankets over him, he said, "Was that harder?" He was referencing his size and weight, he has grown quite a bit in the last three months. I quietly said, "No, it is just different," as I realized time has passed me by.
Get Comfortable
He snuggled into his pillows and blankets and tucked his blanket to his chest as he got comfortable. I leaned over to kiss the side of his head. He said, "I love you, Dad." "I love you, too," I said. "Goodnight" he said softly. "Goodnight," I replied.
"Leave the door open," he called after me as I walked to the door. "I will," I said turning back briefly.
It Is The Same, Just Different
So, what is different. Everything!
He wasn't asleep when I left the room.
He wanted to fall asleep in his bed instead of my arms.
He feels safe in his room by himself with the door open.
These are all great things. Children need to be independent and do hard things and find courage to overcome challenges. The hard part is, he didn't need me to overcome the challenge for him. The challenge we have, as parents, is to get comfortable with children growing up.
Why Is This So Hard
This is hard for me because, I love him and I have always wanted to protect him and help him through his hard times. Living in LA was hard for him and engrained a fear of people with dirty beards and loud screams when we are outside.
This is hard because it is different. It is different because he is maturing and gaining confidence. He is gaining confidence because we encourage him to do hard things to help him overcome his mental struggles.
And we encourage him to do hard things because one day he will be writing this same blog post (but they will be called Generated Artificially By Science or GABS) about how hard it is to see his son grow up.
The place is the same, it is just different. It is in someone else's timeline. The place in time is the same, just a different timeline. The place in time is when one realizes that they let time pass by...
What Needs To Change
Alright, enough crying...(I am drying my tears, hard to think about). What I am going to change. Nothing. My son needs to grow and develop, and become better. I am helping him do that everyday. Teaching, playing, reading, educating, embracing, exploring with or without me, finding himself through his own decisions.
I want to touch on the teaching. I have a GABS about a Talk Walk where I discuss an outline of How To Teach Children Early. I happen to do it on a walk but what I discuss in there is the importance of teaching children early in the what they should expect in life. I have found that preparing my children for decisions they are going to have to make has really helped them start to make decisions (and deal with the consequences-good or bad) early.
This is the advice for this GABS. You are a leader in your children's life. They look up to you and need you. Reference our other GABS about Being A Dad Today.